Many times in a relationship, people will raise the tone of their voices out of anger.
However, screaming and shouting should never be tolerated because it is the first sign that verbal or psychological abuse and then physical violence may follow. This behavior could indicate signs of guilty feelings, mental illness, or substance abuse (alcohol and drugs).
Yelling is demeaning and seeks to undermine confidence in the spouse. Training others how to treat you is a sign of self-respect and is a way to handle a difficult spouse.
National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse (NCADV) Reports:
Psychological abuse involves trauma to the victim caused by verbal abuse, acts, threats of acts, or coercive tactics. Perpetrators use psychological abuse to control, terrorize, and denigrate their victims. Subtle psychological abuse is more harmful than either overt psychological abuse or direct aggression.
48% of women and 48.8% of men have experienced at least one psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner.
4 in 10 women and 4 in 10 men have experienced at least one form of coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
95% of men who physically abuse their intimate partners also psychologically abuse them.
Below are common reasons married people scream and shout at their spouses.
Playing Games
If your spouse continues to scream and shout, usually it is to shut down the conversation. For example, your spouse could be having an affair.
If they come home late and they are questioned about their whereabouts, screaming and shouting may follow because they want to be left alone.
No Respect
Another reason a person will scream and shout is that they have little respect for you. Your spouse may need counseling because yelling can be intimidating.
Regardless of the situation, screaming and hollering do not accomplish anything. It does not make the other spouse accept anything except accept a power struggle or passive-aggressive attitude.
Anytime someone is being disrespectful towards you, leave the room without saying a word. When the screaming and hollering stop, come back into the room.
Once it starts up again, leave the room again and do not come back until they stop yelling.
Then calmly say. “I will not stand here and listen to you screaming and shouting at me. If you want to talk to me, then you will have to stop screaming and shouting.” If they do not stop the childish behavior, take a walk for at least an hour, go shopping or visit a friend.
Substance Abuse
Screaming and shouting are common among couples who drink excessively and use drugs. Mind altering substances cause the couple not to be in control of their mental state.
In these instances, if the screaming is reported to the authorities, children could be removed from the home.
In addition, the couple can be arrested for disturbing the peace.
Protect Children
If there are children in the home, the screaming and shouting can scare them. Sometimes parents are tired at the end of a day and may resort to yelling. But they must be reminded of how it is affecting the children or child.
This conscious state of communicating will teach the children they are respected and should expect to be respected.
You will teach them how to train others how to treat them and how to deal with difficult people. How to receive self-respect is a very valuable lesson to learn. Make sure the children are always in a safe environment.
Karen and Jeff have been married for 20 years. Karen said, “In the beginning of our relationship we fought every Friday night. We drank too much. The cops were called by neighbors. When the cops came we would calm down and stop fighting. The next Friday we were at it again. That went on for a few years until I got pregnant with our first child. We knew we had to make a change so we did. Just like that. I think in some deep down way, we liked the fighting. The adrenaline got going and the sex was off the chain. Some couples just like to fight.”
In conclusion…
Screaming and shouting do not accomplish anything positive. However, it can lead to verbal, psychological, and physical abuse as supported by statistics by the National Coalitions Against Domestic Abuse (NCADV). It is a sign of disrespect or a mental problem.
Some couples like to fight. Usually, those situations involve substance abuse. Either way, it should not be tolerated. If you call the authorities, someone could be arrested. Make sure children are in a safe environment. Therefore, if possible, just leave the premises until it is safe to return.
This informative post was brought by Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support, and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for Marriage.com, a reliable resource to support healthy happy marriages.
